


inside out (underneath)

by orphan_account



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Depression, Drabble, Gen, Joshler if you squint, Lonliness, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, idk what else to tag it, is that a thing??, joshler - Freeform, platonic boyfriends, pure angst, yikes this isnt very good but..
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-14 08:58:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8007037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the curse, the curse we all still live under, is that it takes everything you've ever had and losing it to truly feel appreciation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	inside out (underneath)

**Author's Note:**

> https://youtu.be/u5QksYJee20

Today was not the best day Tyler's ever had, in fewer words. Dark clouds seemed to loom over him like he was attached to them by a string and it was like someone was robbing him of his happiness at gunpoint. He was starting to think it was becoming the moiety of his nature.

The show was great, however. Tyler was more than excited to jump around the moderately sized outdoor stage with Josh, even in the pouring rain with a smaller crowd. He could look to his right and find vanilla comfort and a smooth warm sunshine he could only personify as Josh anytime he needed to. Josh was so affable, sometimes Tyler would convince himself Josh wasn't real or that it was just a big _pity party for the angsty kid._

Now, it was after all the buzz from the crowd and the deafening sound of music in his ears, and Tyler was sitting on the extended and uncovered part of the stage. Josh was gone now. The rain continued to fall from the sky, and Tyler found some kind of tragic beauty within it. He wanted it to rain so much it flodded the Earth and filled every corner. He wanted the deluge to open up and swallow him whole. He wanted the sun to melt off the cyan sky permanently and to steal the stars from the vast and unlimited galaxy. 

At least, that's what he thinks he wants.

Here Tyler sits, alone and being drenched in rain, thinking dangerously deep and flinching at the roar of thunder. He probably wasn't allowed to be here, but that didn't matter to him right now. He practically went AWOL on his crew, yet how could he pass up such an opportunity to be by himself in the amicable quiet of the night and bask in his dismal feelings?

Tyler openned his heavy eyes and looked out over the skyline. He leaned back on his hands and slid them back against the rain-slick stage. His hand bumped into something and he quickly retracted it, preparing an apology in his head. It was a microphone. Tyler knew them too well. He picked it up and swirled it around like a baton, distracting himself with his hands. It wasn't until he hit it on his leg and a small thump came from the amplifier that he realized it was still on. 

He had an argument in his head about it, if he should sing or not, in which he decided he should sing. No one was around, anyway.  He pulled the microphone to his lips and closed his eyes again, feeling all his other senses heighten. 

"I'm a goner," Was all he could choke out, it was simple and something he's heard and sang a billion times before, but this time it had different intentions. It wasn't to entertain a crowd of people, it wasn't to write something last minute for an album, this was for himself. Tyler, alone. Soaking wet, playing the piano chords in his head. A minimal amount of black paint left on his hands that was still blotchy from the rain. "Somebody catch my breath." 

He repeated the words again, swiping a single faded black hand against his cheek, not knowing if he was wiping away tears or the rain. 

"I wanna be known," His voice cracked and he sighed. The dread in his stomach churned at the echo of the empty arena where life and sound and people who loved Tyler once stood merely hours before.

That was gone now.

"By you." He finished, looking out to the dark sky laced with blackening storm clouds and the moon in all it's glory, shining even through the clouds. He forced out a repeat of the verse.

"Though I'm weak," Tyler could hear the drums in his head, but he pushed that down. Josh was gone. He might've been just waiting in the van, but to Tyler he was gone. "And beaten down." He brought his legs up from dangling off the edge to criss cross them so he could rest his elbows on his knees. 

He shouldn't be doing this, he shouldn't be here. Tyler can't even imagine what would go down if anyone found him here. _Not that anyone would look for me_ , Tyler thought. _Why would they? I'm just cash in their pocket._

"I'll slip away into the sound." The sound of the rain drummed out the perfect tempo against his skin, each drop reminding him he's still alive and still here, even when he thought he'd barely live until 19 when he wrote the very lyrics he was singing (or, well, trying to) right now. 

"The ghost of you," His hands, slick with rain and a light shade of black, fidgeted against the microphone; twitching and trying to grip it like a lifeline. "Is close to me." He opened his eyes and deadpanned to no one in particular.

"I'm inside out, you're underneath."

Some part of him really just wanted him to will himself to stop breathing and die right here. 

It's kind of sick and twisted, but what else would you expect? 

"I've got two faces, Blurry's the one I'm not." Tyler clenched his jaw, a chill running down his hunched over spine and his hands started to tremble more. 

"I need your help to take him out." Tyler shook his head like a wet dog, splaying water wherever there wasn't and repeated the verse more slowly and slur-like.

"Th-Though I'm weak," He stuttered, taking a deep breath. Tyler's wet white tank was sticking to his chest like plastic wrap and it was so _cold_. He willed himself to get up and try to call someome, but the vans were gone. The crash of thunder puncuated his entire body trembling with dread and anger. Mostly at himself. 

Tyler screamed out at the sky full of stars covered by clouds and punched something nearby, he couldn't even comprehend what it was. His mind was a tunnel vision blur. It's hard to tell the difference between blood and water as it seeped out of his fist. He stumbled to a door and tried to open it. Locked. He felt like he was about to die.

Tyler found this kind of ironic.

He wanted to die, his entire life. And when he was _actually dying_ , he wanted to take it back. Every negative emotion he's ever felt. All Tyler could feel was _regret_. If he would've just gone with Josh instead of being the over dramatic little cry baby he was. 

He didn't know what to do. His phone was on one of the vans. He couldn't muster enough energy to scream. He already checked all the doors. All locked. He sat on the lawn, close to the stage, and curled in on himself. If he could stay like this until someone found him, he might survive freezing to death.

Tyler, alone.

Soaking wet and cold, with all his friends leaving him to die in the black night with freezing November rain. 

Tyler, goner.

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry if there are mistakes i wrote this instead of sleeping :^)


End file.
